Madoka Gets Stoned
by Shadow Light Master
Summary: Jaded stoner Akemi Homura is jealous of Madoka and Sayaka's relationship!


Muhammad Sulaiman Rashid

Madoka Gets Stoned

Homura was sitting in a tree smoking a joint, watching Madoka and Sayaka walk home after school.

"Ehh, I can't believe I failed the chemistry test. After we studied all night at your place, too!" said Sayaka.

"I didn't do much better," said Madoka. "But Sayaka… maybe it's because we listened to your music all night instead of studying?"

"You're not blaming me, are you!? Oh, who am I kidding… it's all my fault," said Sayaka.

"Don't say that," said Madoka. "I should've told you to turn it off. I'll be stronger next time."

"Next time," said Sayaka. "Next time. I can't believe the final is coming up so soon."

"Yeah. I don't know if I can learn all the material all by myself," said Madoka.

"You don't have to!" said Sayaka. "Why don't I sleep over again tonight? And every night until we learn it all?"

Madoka smiled. "That sounds great! Oh. I forgot my chemistry textbook. I'll go back and get it really quick."

Madoka left.

Homura clenched her teeth. Madoka and Sayaka sleeping together every night, listening to music, increasing their chemistry? It was so unfair! If only she could tell Madoka how she felt so she could sleep with her too. But she couldn't, because she was numb now. All she could do was watch Madoka from a distance and live vicariously through her friendship with Sayaka.

The branch Homura was sitting on snapped. Homura hit the ground. The pain was delayed by the weed and came to her in waves.

"Oww. Oww. Oww," said Homura, expressionless.

"Eh? Homura?" said Sayaka. "Are you alright? What were you doing up there?"

"Patrolling for wraiths," said Homura.

"Wraiths? Hmm… school is pretty depressing, but I don't think you'd find any here," said Sayaka. "Are you hiding something?"

"No," said Homura.

"What's that smell?" said Sayaka.

"It's nothing," said Homura.

"I know that smell… Kyoko smokes it all the time. It's marijuana, isn't it!?" said Sayaka.

"Yup," said Homura. She held out a joint. "Want to take a hit?"

Sayaka froze. "Umm, uh, yeah, sure!" She slowly took the joint, inhaled, and began coughing immediately.

"Inhale, hold it, exhale," said Homura.

"R-Right," said Sayaka. "I know that. I smoke marijuana all the time."

"Sorry to keep you waiting!" said Madoka, running towards them.

Homura panicked. "Don't tell Madoka you saw me," she said. "And don't tell her I smoke weed."

"Uh, okay," said Sayaka.

Homura got up off the floor, took the joint, and disappeared.

"You smell strange," said Madoka. "Was Kyoko here? I could've sworn I saw Homura too."

"Your eyes are just playing tricks on you," said Sayaka. "The next time you see Homura for real, you should ask her to borrow her glasses."

"M-My eyesight is fine!" said Madoka.

"I'm only teasing. Let's go home."

"And so… I think, after you determine the amount of sodium chloride you have in grams, you divide it by the molar mass to obtain the number of moles. Do you agree, Sayaka?" said Madoka.

"Yeah, that makes perfect sense," said Sayaka. She didn't feel stressed out at all. Was it because of the weed? "Madoka… what's your opinion on doing drugs?"

"Huh? Why are you asking me something like that?" asked Madoka. "Well… I guess you shouldn't do them. They're illegal and they can hurt you and stuff."

"Do you think something's bad just because it's illegal? Do you think all drugs are equally bad?" asked Sayaka.

"Well, it's true that some laws aren't fair, I guess," said Madoka. "But we should still try to follow the rules. Sayaka, why are you asking me this?"

"Umm, well," said Sayaka. "Today I smoked marijuana for the first time. And it wasn't so bad. Actually, now I feel so relaxed, I feel like I could study for hours."

"Oh… I… see," said Madoka.

After they were done studying that Friday, Sayaka went to Kyoko's apartment. She would know where to get more weed. But when she got to her apartment, Kyoko wasn't there. So Sayaka went to Homura's instead.

"Can I help you?" said Homura.

"Yeah," said Sayaka. "Well, umm… you see. I was wondering. I wanted to know where to get some marijuana. I thought maybe you would know."

"Come in," said Homura.

The multiple screens on Homura's wall were now no longer pictures of battle tactics, runes, and witches. They were all pictures of Madoka.

"What's this!?" said Sayaka.

"Avert your eyes!" said Homura.

She froze time and quickly changed the screens to undulating, colorful backgrounds.

"Homura… are you some kind of…"

"So you wanted weed," said Homura. "Sit. Let's relax first."

Homura began preparing her Volcano vaporizer.

"What's that?" said Sayaka.

"It's an industrial vaporizer. This way, you just get pure THC," said Homura.

"And with a joint you don't?" asked Sayaka.

"No, of course not. Haven't you been paying attention in chemistry?" asked Homura.

"They taught us that in chemistry!? Maybe I should stop falling asleep in class," said Sayaka. "Where did you get that thing, anyway? It looks so hi-tech."

"I stole it from some yakuza," said Homura. "The same people I got my guns from."

"Hmm… is it wrong to steal from bad people?" thought Sayaka. "Anyway. Homura… I've been meaning to ask you," she said. "You were high on that tree that one day. Perfect for watching us. And then you said you didn't want to be seen by Madoka. And now I just saw you had pictures of her everywhere. Do you have a crush on her?"

Homura blushed. "I. Uh."

"That's a yes!" said Sayaka. "Hahaha, I knew it! But you're out of luck, Homura. Madoka is going to be my bride."

"What!?" said Homura.

"Kidding. But if you like her, why not just go talk to her? She thinks highly of you, even if you are sort of cold," said Sayaka.

"Cold. Cold," said Homura. She pressed the valve on the vape bag, inhaled, and sighed. "I'm not cold, Sayaka. The truth is, after failing to protect Madoka in so many timelines, my heart hardened. Even when I want to express my emotions, I can't. That's why I smoke. It warms my heart. It heightens my feelings. It melts the ice."

"Homura, I had no idea…" said Sayaka. Homura passed her the bag and Sayaka took a hit.

"If you ever want to smoke, just say so," said Homura. "I'll hook you up. Even though I'm bad at showing it, I consider you my friend."

"Ha ha ha…" said Sayaka, feeling dopey. "Homura… you're not cold. You're just… cool. I'll put in a good word for you. Woah. These screens are totally tripping me out."

After they were done studying the next day, Madoka and Sayaka got ready to go to sleep. Sayaka got high before she took her shower so Madoka wouldn't complain about the smell when they snuggled up next to each other. The shower made Sayaka feel like glitter looked.

Madoka and Sayaka got into bed.

"Hey Madoka, Homura is cool, isn't she?" said Sayaka.

"Yeah. I love how long her hair is. And how focused she can be," said Madoka. "When she stares at me, it's so intense. Like she's staring into my soul. I wish I could be so strong. I admire her."

"And she admires you," said Sayaka.

"What?" said Madoka. "No way. She couldn't admire somebody weak like me."

"Oh, come on, you sell yourself short, Madoka," said Sayaka. "You can run a mile in 5 minutes. That's phenomenal."

Madoka smiled. "Yeah, that's true."

"I don't think she just admires you though. I think she has a crush on you, too."

"W-What?" said Madoka, blushing.

"Have you ever thought about dating a girl before?" asked Sayaka.

"No, not really… Isn't that wrong?" said Madoka, shrinking under the covers.

"Is there such thing as right or wrong with love?" asked Sayaka.

"Well, I think Kamijou was wrong for you, Sayaka," said Madoka.

"S-Stupid! That's not what I meant," said Sayaka.

"I know," Madoka smiled. "Hmm… Homura-chan…"

"Madoka and Homura, sitting in a tree," said Sayaka.

"Hey, stop it!" said Madoka.

Sayaka leaned in to her ear. "K-I-S-S-I-NG!"

Madoka rolled over covered her head with her pillow.

"Aww, okay, I'm done now," said Sayaka.

"So what are we going to listen to tonight?" asked Madoka.

"An American band. They're called Animal Collective."

"Hmm, I never heard of them before," said Madoka.

"Of course not. I'm on the cutting edge of the American underground!" said Sayaka.

"Cool," said Madoka.

Sayaka placed an earbud in each of their ears. The song started off serene and hazy, like a dream, and then tribal-sounding drums started up. Madoka liked it. But then the vocalist started screaming. Madoka was terrified, but Sayaka was transfixed. The song repeated its crazed dynamics twice more before ending.

"So what did you think?" asked Sayaka, grinning. "Totally cool, right?"

"Well, I, umm…" said Madoka. "I don't think I liked it very much."

"What? No way!" said Sayaka. "What didn't you like about it?"

"It was kind of scary," said Madoka.

"Oh, come on Madoka. When you listen to Animal Collective, just remember they're not like other bands," said Sayaka.

"I think I have a headache," said Madoka.

"You know what? I think you would like it better if you were high," said Sayaka.

"What?" said Madoka. "Sayaka, what are you saying?"  
>"Get high with me, Madoka," said Sayaka. "If you're high, the music will totally come to life!"<p>

"Sayaka, I don't think I can do that," whimpered Madoka.

"It's alright Madoka. It's totally harmless! Get high with me. It'll be fun," insisted Sayaka. "When you're high, music has all these pretty layers! And your skin tingles like it's magic!"

"I'm sorry, Sayaka, but no. I just can't," said Madoka.

"I guess you really are weak after all," said Sayaka. "That's okay. I'll just listen to music with Kyoko from now on."

"S-Sayaka…" said Madoka.

She felt like she wanted to cry. Neither of them said a word for the rest of the night.

The next day Madoka went to Mami for help. She was older and more experienced, she would know how to help Sayaka.

"Madoka! I hope you've been doing well," said Mami.

"Actually…" said Madoka.

"Is everything alright?" asked Mami. "Here, come in."

They sat down and had tea and cake.

"So what's the problem?" asked Mami.

"It's… with Sayaka," said Madoka.

"Oh? Is she having boy troubles again?" asked Mami.

Madoka shook her head. "It's nothing like that. She's been… smoking marijuana."

"O-Oh," said Mami. "Yeah. Marijuana. Terrible stuff."

"Sayaka used to be a good girl. She never did bad things like drugs. But then… she smoked marijuana for the first time. And she just kept doing it," said Madoka.

"Yeah, you know what they say. Marijuana can be dangerously addictive," said Mami.

"I don't know what to do," said Madoka. "The first time she was high, she was okay. But the second time we studied, she couldn't focus at all. It was like she wasn't even there."

Mami's cup was shaking.

"And then when we were listening to music together, I didn't like the song she picked. So she tried to make me smoke marijuana too," said Madoka. "I just don't know what to do."

Mami dropped her cup and hugged Madoka.

"I'm so sorry," said Mami, crying. "I'm such a failure of a role model. You see, Madoka… The truth is, I smoke marijuana too!"

"M-Mami, what are you saying?" said Madoka, shocked.

"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry," said Mami.

Madoka calmed her down and helped clean up the broken cup. Afterwards, she left to meet the last friend she knew.

Homura heard a knock on her door.

"M-Madoka!?" she said.

"Sorry to bother you, Homura, I just didn't know where else to go," said Madoka.

"Just a moment," said Homura.

Homura hid her things, sprayed air freshener, and changed her screens to avoid a repeat of the Sayaka incident.

"Come in," she said.

They were seated next to each other.

"What's bothering you?" asked Homura.

"It's Sayaka," said Madoka. "And Mami, too. They're all smoking marijuana."

"I see," said Homura. "That's horrible."

"Yeah, I don't understand why… wait. Wait a second. Your breath smells strange, Homura…"

Homura panicked.

"Homura, why is the air so fresh in here?" asked Madoka.

"I'm a germophobe," said Homura.

"But… but," said Madoka. She didn't want to believe it. But she had to know. She leaned in to smell Homura.

Homura blushed but couldn't move away.

"Your clothes, Homura. They smell… now that I think about it, they smell just like Kyoko's! Oh no. Don't tell me. Have you all been smoking marijuana all this time? Why? Why?" Madoka began crying.

"Madoka! Madoka, don't cry!" said Homura, hugging her.

"You smell like weed," said Madoka, sobbing. "Oh Homura, why would you do such a thing?"

"Madoka, I," said Homura. "Madoka… I don't think weed is as bad as you think it is."

"What are you saying, Homura?"

"I'm saying that, compared to other drugs, like cigarettes, weed can be perfectly harmless," said Homura.

"There's no way that's true," said Madoka. "Marijuana kills brain cells and poisons your lungs."

"That's false," said Homura. "It's been proven by science. Besides, I'm one of the smartest people you know, right? If marijuana killed brain cells, I would've failed the last chemistry test."

Madoka sniffled. "… But you didn't. You got an A."

"That's right," said Homura. "And if marijuana poisoned your lungs, I wouldn't be able to run so fast."

"… Yeah. You can even keep up with me," said Madoka, wiping her tears.

"That's right," said Homura. "You see, Madoka? We would never do anything that's really all that bad for you."

Madoka smiled. "Yeah, I guess you're right. You're so smart, Homura. Thanks for calming me down."

"No problem," said Homura. "It hurts me to see you hurt."

"Hmm? What did you say?" said Madoka.

"N-Nothing," said Homura.

"It's okay," said Madoka. "Homura, is it true that you like me?"

Homura blushed.

"That's what Sayaka told me."

"I, I…" stuttered Homura.

"Well, I think," said Madoka. "I think…"

They sat in awkward silence for five seconds.

"I think, I've always been very impressed by you, Homura," said Madoka. "And this is the second time you've helped me. Can I kiss you?"

Homura was stunned.

"I'm sorry if that was too forward, I'm horrible at these things," said Madoka.

But Homura threw herself at Madoka and kissed her passionately.

"Wow," said Madoka. "Homura, can I ask you something?"

"Of course," she said, tears in her eyes, smiling.

"Is it true that when you smoke marijuana… your skin becomes magic?" asked Madoka.

"Do you want me to show you?" asked Homura.

"Yes," said Madoka, smiling.

That afternoon, Madoka apologized to Sayaka.

"I'm sorry Sayaka, I totally overreacted," she said.

"No, don't worry about it," said Sayaka. "I overstepped my boundaries. I must've been really annoying."

"Just a little bit," said Madoka, smiling. "Umm, Sayaka, I have an idea."

"What's that?" asked Sayaka.

"I think we should all go over to Homura's place to study," said Madoka.

Sayaka grinned mischievously.

They all went to Homura's. And after studying, they all got stoned.

"Hee hee, your name means 'to blaze up,' right Homura?" said Madoka.

Homura smiled.

"From now on, when I get high, I'll think of you," said Madoka. "But, uh, Homura?"

"Yes?" said Homura.

"Can you change all these pictures of me? It's kind of flattering, but it's scaring me right now," said Madoka.

Homura changed all the screens with a click of the remote. Kyubey's face appeared on all of them instead.

They all screamed.

The End.


End file.
